Aging

Aging is no different. Yet, while we accept the first three as inevitable (if not mildly traumatic), society insists that women treat aging as a war to be fought, a flaw to be concealed, or, ideally, something that never happens at all.

This drives me round the bend. What is it about a woman with a few wrinkles, scars or a few grey hairs, and a wealth of life experience that sends the world into a panic? Why does society act as though a menopausal woman walking into a room is the equivalent of a horror movie scene? The world has an irrational fear of older women, one laughably outdated stereotype at a time. 

The Unwritten Rule: Women Must Age… Invisibly

When a man ages, he is seen as refined, distinguished, even sexy. His graying temples and crow’s feet suggest wisdom, experience, and—if Hollywood is to be believed—an irresistible ability to mentor a much younger woman into falling for him. 

When a woman ages, the reaction is quite different, shockingly different I would say. The same gray hair that makes George Clooney look like a silver fox apparently makes a woman look like she has been neglecting herself. The same laugh lines that make a man look like he’s lived a life full of joy apparently make a woman look like she’s been weathered by decades of life’s storms. The double standard is enough to make you laugh. (Please don’t before reaching for another anti-aging cream ladies or book Botox appointments, you don’t need it.)

Somewhere along the way, society decided that women can age gracefully if they so desire, but this is really just code for ‘quietly and without making anyone uncomfortable.’ You can get older, sure, but don’t let anyone see it happening.    

The Cosmetic Industry: Fearmongering at Its Finest

Entire industries exist solely to convince women that looking their actual age is a crime punishable by exile. The anti-aging market is worth billions—because, heaven forbid, a woman should look like she’s lived a full and interesting life. 

Serums, creams, and lotions promise to “erase fine lines” as though they were unfortunate typos in the great novel of the female face. Botox and fillers are sold as “preventative measures,” implying that allowing nature to take its course is an act of reckless abandon. The messaging is clear: you must remain frozen in time, lest someone mistake you for an actual adult. 

Meanwhile, men are being praised for their “rugged charm” while they age like an old leather wallet that’s been through the washing machine (think, Robert Redford, Clint Eastwood, Paul Newman, Sean Connery, you get my drift, right?) No one is selling those men a ‘miracle serum’ to restore their youthful glow. But women? The moment they hit forty, it’s like a public service announcement should be issued: “Attention: This woman has entered the danger zone. Proceed with caution.” 

The Workplace: Where Experience is Great… Until You’re a Woman

In the professional world, older men are “seasoned professionals.” Older women are “past their prime.”  A 55-year-old man applying for a job is seen as bringing decades of knowledge and leadership to the table. A 55-year-old woman applying for the same job might hear: “We’re looking for someone with a fresh perspective.” (Translated that means, “we are hiring a 25-year-old who we can pay less and has a level of naivety.)

The irony, of course, is that the same industries that claim to value experience, leadership, and wisdom often disregard the people who actually have all three. And so, older women who have spent years navigating workplaces and households are quietly pushed aside for a new generation who still think fax machines are a government conspiracy. 

The Witch Theory: Why the World Has Always Feared Older Women

Historically, society hasn’t just feared aging women—it has actively persecuted them. Back in the old days, women who didn’t conform to societal expectations were often accused of witchcraft. Too independent? Witch. Too knowledgeable? Witch. Too good at making soup? Definitely a witch.  I’m called a witch sometimes. Usually because I say or do something that my late mum would have done at the same time. Last week, it was because I said something that the way that my late aunt used to do! I digress….

What was really happening in the world? Society was terrified of women who couldn’t be controlled. And let’s be honest, older women are some of the hardest people to control. They have opinions, they speak their minds, and they are far less interested in appeasing fragile egos. You think you’re going to intimidate a woman who has survived childbirth, menopause, and at least one catastrophic haircut? It’s never going to happen. That woman has sized you up before you’ve started speaking!

These so-called “witches” weren’t supernatural threats. They were just women who had outgrown society’s nonsense. And honestly, that’s still the case today. Society may not be burning women at the stake anymore, but it’s certainly trying to erase them from the conversation. 

The Media: Where Women Over 40 Go to Disappear

If you’ve ever watched a movie, you’ll notice that women tend to hit a bizarre Hollywood expiry date somewhere around 39 years old. Many actresses have stated that as they’ve aged, the roles have dried up for them. Others have grasped this stating that if they don’t have a role to play, it’s time to direct and produce; time to expand their skills.

There are actresses pushing back against this nonsense. Helen Mirren, Meryl Streep, and Viola Davis continue to thrive, proving that talent and charisma do not fade with age. But for every Helen Mirren, there’s a thousand scripts that treat aging women like they belong in the lost and found bin of the movie business.  While they are the romantic lead in one movie, their next one sees them as “a mother figure.”

This is not just annoying; it’s ridiculous. Women do not suddenly lose their ability to be interesting the moment they celebrate their 40th birthday. In fact, that interest multiplies, and a woman has many more stories to tell. Yet, media would have us believe that a woman’s life story should peak somewhere in her mid-thirties and then quietly fade into the background.  Nope! Not happening. 

The Menopause Panic Button

Do not mess with a woman navigating menopause. First, you might not live to tell the tale, and second, when she says, “You have no idea what I’m going through!”—trust me (a post-menopausal woman)—you really don’t. Nothing sends a shiver down society’s spine quite like the words “hot flush.” So, unless you have walked a mile in those sweat-drenched shoes, keep your distance and your opinions to yourself!!

Menopause is one of the least discussed and most misunderstood experiences women go through. Rather than treating it as a natural transition, it is often viewed as the final nail in the coffin of a woman’s desirability. Society hears “menopause” and assumes a woman has suddenly transformed into an old crone who knits angrily and yells at teenagers from a rocking chair on her front porch.

In reality, menopause is just another chapter. It’s the moment a woman realises she no longer has to deal with ridiculous beauty standards, exhausting social expectations, or carrying an emergency supply of tampons in her purse. If anything, it is a “superpower.”

Embracing the Chaos of Aging

So, why does society fear aging women? Because aging women stop caring about the nonsense. They stop apologising for existing. They stop shrinking themselves to make others comfortable. They start saying “no” more often, and they start saying “hell no” even more.  They are the women who have seen it all, survived it all, and refuse to waste their energy on people who think laugh lines are a tragedy. They are strong, hilarious, and entirely unbothered by the world’s obsession with youth.  Society may fear aging women, but those aging women, they fear nothing. And that, my friends, is why they are the most powerful people in the room. 

If I could offer my readers one piece of advice, it would be this: embrace who you are. I have never dyed my hair and never will. The greys and whites weaving through are a testament to my journey, and I wear them with pride. My scars tell stories—of surgeries endured and the skin challenges of Cowden’s Syndrome. Wrinkles and dimples map the years I’ve lived, and sometimes, dark shadows under my eyes reveal restless nights. But every mark, every line, every change is part of me. They’re a roadmap of my life and I wouldn’t trade them for anything.