August 2020

My Dad and me. The first man in my life.

August 27th 2020

Well, that’s another month gone. This month ends on happy and sad. I know that sounds contradictory but it’s true. 

In four days time it is one year since the loss of my husband. It should not be a sad day as he would have hated that. “It is what it is” he said “and we cant change it so why worry”. Brave words from a man who had little time left.  

August 31 will forever be “that day”. I always think though that I went home from the hospital the previous evening and we farewelled as if we were turning over in bed to sleep. I went home with the full intention of coming back in the morning but he had gone, peacefully in his sleep. What better way to go, saying goodnight to your wife and going to sleep.

But before the sadness, there is happiness. On Saturday, another man in my life, Dad, turns 71. His birthday always has a tinge of sadness for me knowing it is near August 31 but I was determined that he would have a good time. So, the local pub did the food for dad, mum and me. I ordered him a signed book written by someone he listens to daily on the internet. I organised a present and card from mum.

August 22nd 2020

I seem to have notebooks everywhere. Life of someone who writes poetry I suppose. There is one on the table at the end of my bed. One near my lap top and one in my bag that comes with me everywhere. I have used them too. 

A poem about a certain ten year old I know was devised and written in one of those notebooks while I was waiting to meet him and his mum! Another page just has a list of random words and scribbles. 

Random words….Is that what starts a good story or poem? A random word? I remember watching an episode of Dr Who that was focused on one word for the episode – the word was “Listen”. It was one of the best episodes and gave away some secrets too!

Random words are the way I start everything I write. My latest poem started from “sun”. I have beauty, candle and many more one word pieces in my collection. One word can stimulate everything. Love, fear, scared, regret, pain……one word is the start! Potential is endless. 

August 17th 2020.

About a week ago, I had an idea.

I looked at all the writing that I had. I made myself a notebook so that I had a catalogue of all my poems, all my articles and so on. When I looked at it I realised that I had a lot of things that would “work together.” 

So, I started putting them all together to see how it would flow. 

A week later, I find myself working through 45 chapters! Where did 45 chapters come from?? I hear you ask. Well, I had almost 30 poems without the articles and little written pieces that I had been doing over the months. 

Group them together, sort out an order and there is a high potential for a book to follow “Ramblings of a forty something widow.” (dependant on how well that goes obviously!!) 

The second act of the forty something widow may just be beginning. 

August 10th 2020

Time is a strange thing. My Dad and I are caring for my mum. Days can be long but weeks go quickly. That seems a totally illogical statement to make but it seems to be true. Whether it is the situation that we are in here, or whether it is that combined with the covid19 quarantine who knows!

Here I am anyway, working through my writing. There are several things in limbo with my writing. Being a writer/author is a patience game and that is not something I am good at!! However today I sat down and looked at my recent poetry collection that seems to be developing. I had been writing for a few months and now have about 4000 words worth of new poetry. I am gradually putting it all together and who knows……could this be another book on the horizon?

My ideas seem to come too quickly sometimes, although as long as I write them down, it can’t be a bad thing. Just means I am super-creative! I am currently working on a new book of poetry, a new children’s book as well as a novel and one based on my late aunts writing. She could tell one hell of a story and have you in stitches of laughter. 

So, that’s where I am at right now. Working hard!

August 2nd 2020

So here we are in another month. The eighth month of the year already. Four months til Christmas. I know, you’re all screaming at me for saying that. But the reality is, that’s where we are at. 

The real reality for me, is that this month marks one year since the loss of my husband. Looking back, it has been a strange year. Lots of things have happened. Sad things, happy things and downright amazing things! Add into that Covid19 and lockdown and this year has just been well, how do you begin to describe it!

I found the above picture when I was looking through a site of free images. It sums up this last year for me. It has been a difficult road. Family illness on both sides of the world. Learning how to be a “party of one” and not a double act. Weighing up whether staying in my house was the right things to do. Fulfilling all of Marks wishes.

But, while the difficult road does continue, I have started to reach what the picture says is a “beautiful destination”. When I started a writing course last year, I had no idea that it would lead me to the path I currently traverse. Little did I know that two books would be accepted for publication. Little did I know that all my articles would be out there for the world.  Maybe my beautiful career destination is just beginning…who knows. 

I do know one thing, Mark would be incredibly proud.